All it takes...

-is one phone call to make you joyous and realize that the one year of prayer has been heard and being answered!

-is one phone call to make you realize that you need to still be praying earnestly.

-is one phone call of a friend who encourages you and they do not even know it!
-is one glance at someones blog and realizing that we as Christian parents are all against the same dark forces in this world.

-is one phone call to bring back childhood shame and guilt.

-is one phone call from a family member to help you calm down and reason.

-all it takes is one trip to the restroom and your life is forever changed.

-is one glance at my Bible to realize that my Lord will never leave me or forsake me. I am not alone alone on this journey. He will walk beside me through it all. He looks at me and sees so much more than a "beautiful mess." He will take my changes and use them for His glory.

-is "one phone call" to Jesus to feel the peace that He can only give me. Instead of pouring out my feelings on blogs or to friends, I need to pour them out to Him.

So..if I seem out of sorts to those who talk to me, I am. There is a lot going on in my life. Yes, I realize we all have a lot going on in our lives. I am not downplaying that. I am in the process of re-thinking a lot of decisions I have made in my life. Past is past and I want it to stay there. That is what I am trying to do. I want to leave my past where it belongs and start over. It has been a long time since I have felt complete joy in my life. I am slowly realizing that I am the one that took away that joy. No one else did. I let decisions and life choices, sometimes mine and sometimes the Lords, dictate my joy. I went as far as thinking the Lord took my joy because of past happenings. My joy comes from the Lord. I need to remember that. I was letting my joy come from people, people who are not perfect just like me. I was letting my joy come from the things I am involved in. I focus so much on worldly things instead of Heavenly things. I am evaluating so many things in my life and it's overwhelming. But I am not going to evaluate them alone. My Lord is right beside me helping me erase the shame, guilt, sadness I have felt over the years. Because I focus on people liking me so much, my focus has not been on my family. This vacation made me realize how wonderful my family is. I have put friends and commitments over my family for too long. No more. My husband and children come before all that. I didn't want to hurt people's feelings, yet I was hurting those who were here. We will never be a "complete" family and it's something all of us must come to terms with. It's a hard thing to realize and as we are, there are a lot of feelings of anger and sadness. This post may make no sense to you, but to be honest, it was more for me. ;-) Well, I did write it as encouragement so you would know we are not all alone and to explain why I may seem out of sorts.

and yes, I have already poured this out to the Lord!

Please be praying for peace and joy for our family. God always sends encouragement our way just when we need it. Unfortunately, the world has a way of sending discouragement right after the encouragement. Pray we focus on the good the Lord has done and how He is going to use all of our circumstances for His glory. Pray that we remember every day is a new day!